Speak Eastenders Cockney in a Day
Ever since Dick Van Dyke donned his sweep outfit and uttered the immortal words 'I bin up the chimerley Myrry Poorpins,' people have been trying to impersonate those cheerful cockneys with their colourful language and occasional tendency to psychopathic violence. Visitors to this country watch East Enders under the impression that the inhabitants are speaking a strange foreign language and look in vain for subtitles to explain what's going on. Use our guide below to help you speak this colourful dialect
||What is that object?
||What seems to be the problem?
|Wah Jew looknat?
||Do you wish to fight?
|Yoravin a larf incha
||You don't appear to have any meat
dishes in this vegetarian restaurant
|Jew fink eyes born yes tiddy
||These potatoes are too expensive
|Are fort you wuzded
||You have returned to Albert Square
because the job on 'The Bill' didn't work out *
|Jna wadda mi
||Alternative cockney fullstop
||First word always spoken by a female character
|Are yate you, u slairg
||You have slept with my boyfriend
|Wasi all a bart
||I am confused by my current
||You are an unpleasant person
|U farq in carnt
||You are a very unpleasant person
|U add it orf wivme bruvver
||We are victims of soap opera
||I am in possession of some illegal
|Lee vi ar
||I beg to differ
||Would you mind leaving at the
|Lee vitees not wurf i
||Indulging in fisticuffs with this
person would be counter productive
|Ahm garn up dee apples an pez
||I am a cockney impersonator.
|Waa choo avin?
||I am in
the Queen Vic for plot progression purposes
||You are an unappealing female
|You sli car
||You are an unintelligent and unappealing female
|Yor faimly you is
||A bald-headed psychopath has taken a shine to you
|Gnave a ri ol nee zup
||An evening of drinking, singing and dancing followed by
violence and a trip to casualty for stitches and limb reattachment.
* N.B. The only sure way of killing off any
character on Eastenders is to put a stake through their heart and
preferably decapitate them onscreen.